This is my first fiction short story, which I am planning to make a few episodes out of it. Totally experimental, it's intrusive thoughts meets Severance meets corporate cult vibes(just the good stuff).
I hope you like it! Let me know at the end what do you think!
My hand flew straight to her face.
I genuinely only realised when I heard the loud noise. That sharp, awkward slap. The kind of sound a judge makes when he smacks the little hammer down in court and says, “Order!”
I regretted the second I did it. And by the way she was looking at me, she regretted what she said, too.
That's the risk, isn't it? When you say the things you really mean, you have to deal with what happens next.
Well, are you ready to face the consequences?
My motivation vanished when I saw that meeting invite.
I am pretty sure this can be an email. I closed my eyes and thought of all the meetings I had in the past year that could have been an email. How much time would I have saved? Not just me, but all the team? I went on thinking about all the things to fit in those slots of 30 minutes: a coffee run, scrolling and looking at memes, dreaming about that trip to Bali I keep postponing for years.
That wouldn't be the most productive thing, but still, anything is better than staying at those meetings.
I opened my eyes, sipped my non-dairy coffee and clicked “Yes” because, well, I don't really have a choice. Or have I? What if this coffee has actually dairy in it, and I have an excuse to not show up today?
A little voice in my head said that if I am choosing to be sick so I can skip that meeting, there is something wrong going on.
I pushed that thought away like I would with a nosy pop-up screen, and went on to the meeting room feeling slightly guilty that deep down I really wished there was dairy in that coffee.
As I walked in, slightly to my right I noticed someone had replaced the candle in front of the CEO's picture, it was blue now.
“Okay, so it's that time of the year already.”
I was one of the firsts to go in, so once everyone gathered in we held hands and Bruno pulled in today's saying, everyone chanted in one voice, with closed eyes, and I followed trying to keep mine clear while still distracted thinking about that Bali trip.
Once that finished, we all sat down, and Bruno said:
“Good morning everyone, this is middle of the project meeting so we need a check-in. For the next 30 minutes we will talk about exactly what all we need to do today, before we go ahead and do it.”
“Of course we will” I thought, sipping my last drop of coffee I left on the table wishing I already had a new one in line to keep me awake for this meeting.
All my colleagues went on talking about the amazing work they were doing, and how they solved that big problem that happened while still keeping the response time of the system.
Right before me, a new guy who started a few months ago begins to talk. With a shaky voice, he goes on about someone who requested something but he didn't really understand what it was. For the first time in that meeting I looked up to him and noticed he was holding his own hands and his knuckles were white from pressing it.
His face started turning red.
His voice cracked mid-talk and it was getting louder and louder.
Other people started looking away as if that was not really interesting.
I turned to the candle and saw the flame shake a bit as if a window had opened and walked in a breeze disrupting the order.
Then he started to cry, what was his name, Carlos?, Carlos started to sob and say things like “I don't know if I can do it, I thought I could but now I don't know” and he went on and on repeating the same phrase, sometimes changing its order, but always the same words.
Everyone was looking away, but I couldn't get my eyes off him. It reminded me of myself when I joined 7 years ago.
Bruno waited until Carlos finished sobbing to find a space and sneak in the same few words he said to me many times over the years:
“You are disrupting it, take 5 and come back.”
Carlos went mute for a second, gathered his things and ran for the door.
The circle went on as if nothing happened. When it was my time, I kept it sweet and short:
"I'll finalize the migration doc and send for review."
"About that," Bruno said, not looking up. "There might be database issues. Put the doc on hold. Help the team assess."
"My work's done. Why am I picking up someone else's slack?"
"Because you always do. Be a good girl. Help."
I made no effort to hide that I was rolling my eyes at what he just said. People were looking down, Bruno was looking straight at me. He saw what I did. But I chose to stay quiet, and everyone including Bruno was relieved when they noticed I wasn't going to talk anymore. They were used to that: a meeting is not a meeting without a complaint from Aurora. I gathered my empty coffee cup on my way out thinking about refilling it as soon as possible, and rushed outside of the room before Bruno could get to me.
After refilling my coffee, really pondering if I should get real dairy and an excuse to call in a sick day today, I got back to my desk.
No dairy. At least not today.
When I sat down, I saw a little note behind my keyboard, opened carefully to find four words written inside it.
I need your help
I quickly smashed the paper and put it in the trash, my eyes scanning the room to see if someone was watching. I closed that intrusive pop-up from my mind again and got back to work pretending nothing was happening. As usual, just another week at the office.
I spent the whole day doing a job that was not mine.
This lady from Innovation glued on me like mucus in my lungs and didn't even let me breathe. Like a nasty virus she introduced herself without asking and made my day miserable. I swear I could feel it: nauseated, headache and my nose was slightly irritated by her perfume.
How do I get rid of this virus?
She brought her chair from the other department, sat on my left side and went on and on about how the records she was expecting to be in the system where not in the system.
"The records aren't in the system," she whined.
“But I asked you about which snapshot you needed to recover, and I used exactly the one you told me “ I gasped while covering my eyes with my hands to avoid looking at a mistake I was not responsible for. Why do I have to fix something that was not my fault to begin with?
She paused. Calculating. "Maybe you did something wrong."
“Look” I said, exasperated “Linda, right? I took screenshots of the whole process and I sent to you. I think now it's time for you to go back to your desk, look at them and own your mistakes. If the results are wrong, it's because you gave me the wrong file. It's time to check your inputs before blaming the outputs.”
She looked at me, semi closed eyes, opened her mouth to say something, then closed, thinking again. I raised my eyebrows, challenging her: Go on, say it. I dare you.
“I will go talk to Bruno.” she said.
“You should do that. And good luck.” I added.
She grabbed her chair and disappeared behind the desks, leaving nothing but peace behind. I could smell the fresh air and felt cured from that virus and all symptoms that was bothering me.
A pop-up came on into my mind: “I wonder if this is going to come back to bite your ass.”
I closed it again. Stupid thoughts.
It was almost time to clock out, for my relief, and while finishing some emails I heard a swoop sound and an invite came in.
From Bruno, it said “Feedback Session”. Fifteen minutes from now. No description, no reason, just an option for Yes or No.
“I knew this was going to bite us in the ass after all” said a little voice in my head.
I looked around and everyone had left. I closed my hand and smashed the table making my computer screen shake from the impact. The sound went on to fill the room, and the fact nobody was there, only made it louder.
I tried to calm myself, clicked Yes on the invite, because really I had no choice. Have I?
I stand up from my chair and slowly start to walk towards the room booked for the session. That was a room already familiar to me, I have been there a few times. More times than I like to admit. I walk down the hall looking straight to where I am going, I don't know if there is someone around me, I don't care. I reach the door, knock and a second afterwards, I hear Bruno say “Come in”, like he has been waiting for me. Of course he has.
I slowly open the door to find myself into a similar room than this morning for our meeting. The usual table layout, nothing fancy. The CEO's photo is on my right side, on the altar, and the blue candle is lit. The room is a little darkish but I can still see Bruno's expression, or better, his lack of expression, while sitting behind a table waiting for me.
“Here we are again” he says.
“Yep” that's all I could make come out of my mouth at that point, not proud of that.
“Sit down, I want to talk before we start.”
I make my way to the chair precisely positioned in front of him. I sit down and wait.
"We don’t want to lose you, Aurora. But these sessions? Four in two months. That’s not sustainable. I need you to show me effort."
I look at him, blink a few times, almost like I am not myself anymore. I nod indicating I understood what he said, because I couldn't make my voice come out.
He looks at me, nod as well, and says “Good. Let's begin, shall we?”
He stands up, and in a louder voice says “Come one in”. I hear the door open on my right, but I can't make myself look. Someone walks in and stands close to the altar, right behind me.
Bruno circles the table and I loose him from my sight, but I know what he is doing. I know what he will do, we been here before. He walks into the altar, blows up the blue candle, and from a shelve below underneath the altar, I know he is grabbing the red candle. He lights the red candle on, I close my eyes and I just can't make myself move.
He comes back, sits down and says “You go now, Aurora.”
I get chills on my neck and throught my whole body. I stand up slowly, turn around already knowing what I will find, but not wanting to look. My eyes go first to the altar, and the red candle which is burning with an urgent wish right now. I can almost feel the sensation of the candle in my skin, like it's burning the sides of my cheekbones, and my hands. I feel like my hands are on fire. Shame or angry? We will find out. The CEO in the picture is looking right at me, analizyng, judging, or proud? Hard to tell.
My eyes finally lock onto the figure standing in front of me. A mask with hollow eye holes covers their face, a tunic draped over their body like a costume too rehearsed to be questioned. But I know exactly who it is. I’ve done this before. Seven years is long enough for the strange to start feeling familiar.
Just like I did all these years of my career, I pushed my feelings into a box inside my mind not allowing anything to come out. It's better this way, just push everything down and pretend it's not real. It's the only way I can deal with myself after what is about to happen here.
The person takes the mask off and I see a familiar face behind it. The expression is hard to explain, more like a blend of conformity and acceptance. Like a bland soup you buy at the supermarket, knowing exactly how mediocre it will taste. Not offensive, not memorable. Comforting, if you are into control dynamics.
“Go ahead, we only have 15 minutes left.” said Bruno, behind us. I would prefer to have him out of the room. Out of this company, to be really honest, but I know this is not going to happen.
The person in front of me starts to blink faster, signal that it's about to happen at any time.
“I don't trust your work in this company, because I see how you deal with things: unbothered and not caring.” she says.
I blink, breathe in and push that thought away. She continues:
“Your attitude it's like a child begging for attention, so everything you say is not the last word in town and you have to understand this. We all have to pay for the consequences of your actions, you say what you want and we pay for it. Did you realize that?”
Just keep those feelings in the box, I tell myself, keep them there. She goes on…
“Because the truth is… you are not good at your job. And we know it.
You make it hard for the rest of us. You create chaos and pretend it’s leadership.
You are always talking, always asking for attention.
Daddy’s little girl. The one who never got it because daddy was busy fucking someone else.”
My hand flew straight to her face.
I genuinely only realised when I heard the loud noise. That sharp, awkward slap. The kind of sound a judge makes when he smacks the little hammer down in court and says, “Order!”
I regretted the second I did it. And by the way she was looking at me, she regretted what she said, too.
Linda looked at me, put her own hand on the place my hand had just been, and I noticed tears started to drop down to her face. Hard to say if it was a involuntary reaction of the slap or she actually was upset. My hand was burning red, but I didn't flinch, I stayed there trying to lock in the box of feelings that just opened and made a mess all around.
I noticed I started shaking and my eyes started to blurry. I heard Bruno addressing Linda “You can go now, we are done here.”
She slowly went towards the door, and I noticed Bruno standing up from the desk and walking towards the door too. Before leaving the room, he looked back at me and said: “This was good, Aurora. See you tomorrow at 9.” He closed the door behind him.
I walked to the altar, staring at the CEO’s photo, trying to read his expression. Was it pride? Disappointment? Judgment?
I leaned in and blew out the red candle.
Just another day at work.
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